Norfolk and Chance in a million years mate!

5th September 2013

No Way, In a million years is THAT ever going to happen sunshine!

Today I was intending to take the day off from mountaineering, UNFORTUNATELY though (in house joke Izzy/Tan/Jackie), I first had to nip over to the mountain first to clear the back lawn as I have friends offering help tomorrow morning and I still have all the junk from yesterday all over the garden.  So off to base camp I went.  My bloke came with me for the first time but even he was walking around looking lost.  There were so many 'bits of stuff' everywhere he really had no idea what to keep, what to throw and what to put back and where. He was overwhelmed.

So that you get an idea of what I have to deal with this picture is one of many similar items I have to decide to keep or throw.  On the one hand if it was mine (or even any of 99% of my mates') it would be gone.  However, it is not mine - it is my dad's.  What the devil is it? Does he remember it is there? Is it important?  Will the world end if I bin it?  For sure if I do bin it I will never be able to replace it as I don't even know what it is.  If I throw it and he remembers it was there he will freak. This one is a keep.

I have to remember though, that this stuff does not belong to me and therefore I do not have the right to throw it out.  I would not be happy if anyone came in to my house when I was not there and threw out my stuff.  I would throw a right wobbly.

On the other hand he is in hospital with a broken back and I am therefore doing what any daughter would be expected to do and helping him 'tidy' his house so he can come home and be able to move about safely.  However this house cannot be 'tidied'.  There is no space to tidy anything up.  Things have to go so other stuff can have a place.  Currently everything is very precariously balanced on top of everything else.  He has bought things, lost them in the mess and then bought more as he has forgotten he had the originals.   We have so far found about 127 single shoes.  Some have a partner, some are worn out so the sole is split, some are brand new leather, some are nasty plastic, some are sad sandals.  One shoe I dragged out today from the bottom of a six foot pile split into two when I flexed it - it had been there so long it had solidified.

He has about seven layers of green shirts - he buys a nice green shirt in the January sales, he comes home and he puts it on top of a pile of stuff, he puts stuff on top, he forgets he has bought it so the next January he goes out and buys another new green shirt.  There is new stuff everywhere where he has bought it and then forgotten about it. Lots of stuff brand new and still in boxes.  I dug out a chip fryer, a toaster and a steamer today - all new in boxes.  I dug out a bag of loose change - it had 1/2p coins, pesetas, francs and 'new' 5p pieces twice the size of current 5p pieces.

So do I chuck or keep?  I have been doing both.  I have been careful to check everything which comes out.  I have found new stamps in sheets.  I have found original copies of books from 1908, maps of Cardiff from 1918.  I have found silver spoons and an egg cup set in solid silver in with a box of old nails.  Everything has to be so carefully checked.

There were a few things I was unsure whether to throw or not.  I thought I would test the water and ask him about them. I wondered what would happen if I asked him if it was OK to throw them out - thereby giving him the final word and therefore allowing him to have some kind of control.  I was aware this could backfire as if he had not already been aware the items were there then he now would be and therefore would not want me to throw them out.  I had to see what he would say. 

To start with was an old chainsaw where the plastic handle end had broken off. It had no chain and the motor was exposed.  The chainsaw had been in a large box taking up a lot of space in the front room right at the bottom of the pile so he could not have seen it for about 20 years.  There was also an old record player in the playroom which was taking up a lot of space.  I figured I should ask him about these two items to test the water.  I would ask him later if it was OK to throw these two items out.

At 1pm I had cleared the mess from the grass and the bloke was hungry so we had to go.  The bloke is diabetic so I can't do the usual and not eat all day.  He has to eat and we had come in his car so we both had to go.  We went home via the council skip/recycling centre.

At 2.30 I went to visit Imelda in the hospital.  He was fast asleep on the bed. I poked him awake. 

'Uh err uugghh' he says 'are you on your own?'

'Yes I am on my way to work'.

'Didn't you bring Chris' (my brother)

'No I am on my way to work'

'you could have picked him up and he could have walked home'.

'I did not have time to pick him up dad - I went home after the house, showered and came to visit you.'

'yes but you didn't bring him'

'No I am going to work'

'Oh!'   I believe I detected a level of disappointment there.

s i l e n c e 

'any news?' he asked

'about what?  I have been at the house all day, every day'

'yes yes I know that but any news from the social worker?'

'only what she told you - you can't come home until it is clear'

'Oh that is bloody ridiculous, what a load of old nonsense.'

'Dad that is them saying that not me'

'Bloody ridiculous - don't they realise I can't sort the house out while I am stuck in here?'

I soooo wanted to point out he was retired and had been in the house every day for the past 40 years and it has certainly never come anywhere even remotely close to the definition of 'clear'.  I bit my tongue.

I decided now may be the time to broach the subject of the chain saw and the record player.

'Dad - there is a chain saw in the playroom, is it OK if I throw it out?

'No of course it bloody isn't, I use that in the garden!'

'No dad not the one you use - that is safe in the shed, this is one from the playroom, it has no chain and no handle and the motor is exposed. It;s been there a long time and is covered in dust It is in several pieces.'

'Well you can't just throw it out. - Put it in the garage'

'Dad there is no room in the garage'

'Well put it in the shed'

'There is no room in the shed'

'Well put it in the bloody greenhouse then - I know this is a new concept to you!'

'Dad why do you need it - it is old, broken and taking up space, you have one already in the shed you use so why can't this go out?'

'Because I need to see it to make a bloody decision don't I? it may just need a new blade.'

'OK dad. You win. - What about the record player?'

'What bloody record player - there is one in the kitchen - unless you have thrown that out I bet you have thrown that out have you?' (as it happens I have but this is a different one).

'Dad this one was in the playroom.  you already have a record player in the lounge which is working and they don't make records anymore'

'Again I need to see it to be able to tell - oh WHY are you being so bloody difficult?'

'Dad we need to get rid of some stuff so they will let you come home.....' I tail off deciding that to attempt to continue the conversation would be totally and utterly futile.

I want to hit him with a large stick.  Luckily I cannot find one.

'The social worker says I may be able to stay with you until I can go home.' he says 'but I told them that it is two buses from your house to mine so that wouldn't be practical.'

Now I want to hit the social worker with a large stick...  There is NO WAY ON EARTH THAT HE IS EVER GOING TO STAY IN MY HOUSE unless they want a murder on their hands.

I stand up (he is still lying down).  'I have to go now' I say, 'I doubt I will be in tomorrow as I am working again and I will be at the house until about 2pm'

'Yes' he says.
Did I hear 'thank you'.  No, I most definitely did not!

I stand up and walk out. I walk past the nurses.  I wonder if they have any idea...

I guess the annoying thing here is I feel like he is treating me as some inferior species of irritation/skivvy who does not have either the maturity, intelligence, common sense or ability to choose what to keep and what to bin.  He does not see that I am a fully functioning adult who (currently) still has all her faculties/marbles has a decent (and tidy) house, three lovely kids under ten who are still innocent enough to love their Grandad. I also have a job and a life and am also supposed to be in college as of next week. 

I have to handle the guilt of throwing something away which is not mine but which has to be done.  I am aware Chris is terrified that I will throw something away that Imelda will miss and the ensuing mood/temper that would inevitably follow for weeks if not months. I do not like this mountain. I did not ask to climb this mountain, I do not like being at this mountain I have no choice but to spend every waking hour at the sodding mountain not able to do anything else.  

Today has not been a good day.  I went to work at 3.30 with a HUGE knot in my stomach which will not untie.