Posts
I have recently discovered two hoarding websites called 'Children of Hoarders' and 'Help for Hoarders'. It is amazing what I see on these sites. Apparently Imelda is not a one off. There are so many other people who have been through all this. There was a list of excuses on there - or 'reasons' hoarders have given for their behaviour. It had me howling with laughter. The list was originally 94 long. I have edited this slightly and only kept the 35 excuses Imelda has used. see below.
I have taken bits from hoarder websites as follows;
Typical behaviors seen in compulsive hoarding include:
• Saving far more items than are needed or can be used (197 shoes)
• Acquisition of more items than can be used (see above - only 2 feet!)
• Avoidance of throwing things away (eh? what bin?)
• Avoidance of making decisions (when shall I throw it?)
• Avoidance of putting possessions in appropriate storage areas, such as closets, drawers, or files
• Pervasive slowness or lateness in completing (ten years to do a probate..)
• Acquisition of more items than can be used (see above - only 2 feet!)
• Avoidance of throwing things away (eh? what bin?)
• Avoidance of making decisions (when shall I throw it?)
• Avoidance of putting possessions in appropriate storage areas, such as closets, drawers, or files
• Pervasive slowness or lateness in completing (ten years to do a probate..)
-Obsessive Compulsive Foundation Hoarding Website
Heard from our hoarding parents, collected from members of the Children of Hoarders Yahoo support group:
1). I’m OVERWHELMED I don’t know where to start.
2). The phone keeps ringing with sales calls and it keeps distracting me.
3). I had a doctor’s appointment today and when I got home I was EXHAUSTED.
4). I AM working on ‘it’. It just takes me a long time to go through it all. You just don’t understand! There could be something valuable in there!
5). I’ve made HUGE progress, but you just can SEE it because I’ve unpacked so much MORE now.
6) No time - retired 20 years or so now.
7) I LIKE it that way!”
8). Once I have done this tax return I’ll have more time (every year for the past 20 years)
9). I just need to get through this medical issue (there’s always something)
10). I don’t have room to unpack my boxes
11). I just need to get organized
12) I can’t do it now, my back and/or asthma is acting up
13). I grew up during the war when we had to “make do and mend”
14). I have to make a phone call.
15). I have to do the garden before the Winter/rain sets in.
16). “I’m saving that for someone else.”
17). “I’m going to be feeding that to the dog.”
18). “That’s an antique that will be worth a lot of money someday.”
19). “I can’t do it today, I have to go to the shop.”
20). “There’s too much going on right now.”
Always followed by, “After the holidays/birthday/ anniversary/ medical appointment/summer/ start of school/apocalypse/whatever. .. I’m going to start making some headway.”
21). “I’ll get around to it when I have done everything else I have to do' - like what he has been retired 20 years?
22). “I paid good money for that!”
23). You don’t understand, maybe I could use it!
24). What if they stop making that medication and I need it later? Then I’ll be glad I have these bottles! (about expired meds from 8 YEARS ago)
25). Maybe the vet might ask what medication the old dog took. (referring to expired pet meds for a long dead dog, originally bought in 1974)
26). I could use all those clothes for rags. I just haven’t gotten to sorting and cutting them up.
27). Hey – don’t throw that out. I’m saving it for; a) church b) a rainy day c) you.
28). “I can’t throw this away. It’s a collector’s item.”
29). “It’s stupid to throw things away that I might have to buy again later (said about items in a room he hasn’t seen in 13 years). ”
30). Me: “Why are you keeping those 200 LIDL/ALDI flyers from years ago?”
Imelda - 'In case I need to know what I paid for something'
31). (grown up child) ”You can’t afford to keep all that stuff.”
(Hoarding father) ”I can’t afford not to. What does it cost me?”
(Child) “It costs you the use of your house, your relationships, your career, and it may cost you your life.”
(Father) ”I’ll think about that.” (20 years ago)
(Child) “It costs you the use of your house, your relationships, your career, and it may cost you your life.”
(Father) ”I’ll think about that.” (20 years ago)
32). "When I’m dead then you can throw it all away. That’ll make you happy.”
33). “I did a bit of clearing, but I’m the only one that can tell.”
34). me: “Why can’t I throw away the years-old newspapers? It’s old news.”
Dad: “There might be an article in there I haven't read yet.
Dad: “There might be an article in there I haven't read yet.
35). ' I just can;t think about this right now I am just too busy'. This cracker used by Imelda when asked if he was going to use this as an opportunity (a TV company filming him for a hoarding documentary with a removal van, removal men and a camera crew) to throw one of his eight broken televisions out. Er that's a no then? - If not now then when?
It is interesting to see no.15 - I have to do the garden before the rain/winter sets in. - Interestingly when I was being born, my mother was in hospital about to give birth to me. It was about 9pm on a dark and stormy September night. I was my parents' first child. My dad told my mum that he had better get home to cut the grass because there was a storm coming and it had to be done before it rained.
WHAT?!
That is true. Imelda did not try to deny it. Instead he tries to justify it. Alarm bells! Of course the grass was far more important than anything else which was going on at that point in time. His wife giving birth to their first born child came in second place. This, I think should have been a warning. I have no idea what my mother possibly could/should have done. Obviously at the time concentrate on having me which she carried out with everything she could muster. Following that though, hmmm, difficult. If she had known then what I know now I think 'run like the wind' would have been my plan.
So I was born in the middle of a thunderstorm. That, too, I believe may explain a lot about my personality. There are some things you cannot change. (nor would I want to).
So on that note I am off to bed.
I am having thoughts of turning this blog into a book. Not sure whether to make it fiction with a bit of artistic licence or to keep it real.
Any thoughts very very welcome.
Goodnight
xx
It is interesting to see no.15 - I have to do the garden before the rain/winter sets in. - Interestingly when I was being born, my mother was in hospital about to give birth to me. It was about 9pm on a dark and stormy September night. I was my parents' first child. My dad told my mum that he had better get home to cut the grass because there was a storm coming and it had to be done before it rained.
WHAT?!
That is true. Imelda did not try to deny it. Instead he tries to justify it. Alarm bells! Of course the grass was far more important than anything else which was going on at that point in time. His wife giving birth to their first born child came in second place. This, I think should have been a warning. I have no idea what my mother possibly could/should have done. Obviously at the time concentrate on having me which she carried out with everything she could muster. Following that though, hmmm, difficult. If she had known then what I know now I think 'run like the wind' would have been my plan.
So I was born in the middle of a thunderstorm. That, too, I believe may explain a lot about my personality. There are some things you cannot change. (nor would I want to).
So on that note I am off to bed.
I am having thoughts of turning this blog into a book. Not sure whether to make it fiction with a bit of artistic licence or to keep it real.
Any thoughts very very welcome.
Goodnight
xx
1 comment:
That's quite a list. No, he's not a one-off, and you're not alone. I hope these sites give you a place to turn when you need place to vent, or advice or a virtual hug. Or dare I say - see the dark humour in the situation (if there is any)?
As far as the book, I'd say it depends on the purpose. If it's to help others, keep it real, otherwise it's too easy to blur what's the real parts and what's the artistic license. If it's to vent your frustration, go the artistic route.
That bit about when you were born is very interesting. Does he treat all women as he does you? Or does he treat those who he thinks can be of use to him like they are adults?
Post a Comment