It Is All Too Much - Something Has to Go. Gutted!

Tuesday September 10th 2013

A decision has to be made.

Life has been hectic over the past four and a half weeks and I do not anticipate things getting any easier any time soon.  To summarise, I have the mountain to climb and I am only barely out the base camp door with my boots on. I also have three small children of 8,8 and 10 who have just returned to school after the summer holidays.  I have a job which I work for 25 hours a week and I have college which is a full time course.  I have hospital visits I feel obliged to make at least every 2nd day.  I have the hospital/social services checking when the house will be ready.

I was starting to feel a little bit like I was being chased by an avalanche.  I am constantly rushing from A to B to C and back again (via the skip).  The kids are always complaining I never have time to read with them and they say things like 'Aw mum, you're not working again are you?' or 'You're not going to Grandad's house again are you?'

I went to college today and arrived at 10am.  Everyone else was there as they were supposed to be at 9am.  This in itself was not a problem as I had already explained the issues and the college staff were OK with it.  However, everybody else had already been through today's demonstration and were already engrossed in drawing a rod to make a sash window.  The tutor came over and showed me what to do but I was aware he had to do this twice, once for the main class and then again for me.  I was always going to get the rushed version. I then realised that I would also have to leave early on many occasions as I have to go to work.  As I do not get fixed days this is likely to be a different four days every week and trying to my company to work around me has historically proved a long and arduous task in itself.

I sat in college at morning break for 20 minutes thinking what a waste of time the break was when I could have been doing something necessary.  At lunch time we have a whole hour to sit and do nothing.  There is nothing to do except fiddle with a mobile phone or chat.  I can't chat for an hour, I get edgy.  I feel I should be doing something.  I discussed my thoughts with my mate Sian over lunch.  I just needed to untangle the thoughts in my head.  Thank you to Sian for listening.  When my thoughts were out I realised I could not give the proper amount of concentration to college.  I have so much going on that sadly I felt college was going to suffer.

I had a word with the tutor who was very nice and said he did not want to lose me as I was a good student etc etc etc.  They said it was fine to take time off and as they knew my attendance last year was about 97% it would be OK. I am not used to being listened to with a sympathetic ear and so I ended up howling my head off and being sent home to have a think about my options.  As I see it I do not have many options.

My brother called me in the evening - he has been to visit Imelda in hospital today.  I did not go because I did not think my nerves could stand it today. My poor frayed nerves may just have snapped and that would not have been pretty.

My brother asked Imelda why he thought the house was a mess yet Imelda has been retired for 20 odd years.  Imelda says that he does too much!  If he had said that to me it would have hurt (my fist)!  Apparently he is worrying more about the idiot behind the hedge in his garden.  Said idiot's house backs on to Imelda's house and he is hell bent on cutting the hedge to a level where he can see through the garden and the rather nice view from the front of the house.  The only problem is that the hedge has a preservation order on it and nobody is meant to cut it without permission. The neighbour is more than aware of this as he has been told by the city council.  According to the deeds the hedge is in Imelda's garden and therefore said neighbour is not supposed to touch it.  The hedge has been about 20 foot or higher for as long as I can remember.  The neighbour has been cutting it bit by bit usually waiting until Imelda is in church.  As you may imagine, the neighbour has been having a field day since Imelda has been in hospital and the hedge in that part is now about six feet high.  Imelda is not happy and will be getting the police involved when he gets out.

Personally I think there are more important things to worry about but hey that's just me.

The social worker will be coming again tomorrow to see the progress so it will be a full day at the mountain for me, again.

I will update the blog tomorrow with photos.

xxx