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Above is the antenna which he thinks is a radio transmitter
Today I went to the hospital with my daughter to visit dad. She came for the sole reason of supporting me. At 9am I took a zoom call with Ant's bank for power of attorney for him which took an hour. I took my partner to town to go to the bank as he wanted to get cash out to buy a used car, came home, sorted out my son's car insurance as he'd been having issues with his direct debit and couldn't contact the company as it was online only. I went to the house to get some of Ant's stuff to take to the skip, took it in the car to see a counsellor, then took it to the tip. I came home, took my daughter out for a carvery and then went to the hospital for 6.30pm to visit dad.
'Ah', he said. I haven't been this down since Ruth died. Had he forgotten Ruth had been my mother?! Weird, but I let it slide. 'I was just about to go and call you.' he said, (He probably wasn't). 'I've had enough of being here - the food is awful and someone a quarter of my age has told me I can't go home until they put a bed in the living room. I absolutely refuse to have a bed put in there. They said you've said they can sort it. You haven't told them that have you?.' I hadn't and I told him so.
He didn't appear to listen as he said 'Because I will not look upon that kindly. nobody has the right to tell them they can do that and I categorically state right now.' (he banged his fist on the bed over-table) 'I will NOT have ANYONE in my house who I have not personally authorised to be there. I KNOW you have the power thing but I will have to overturn that if I find you have let anyone...'
'DAD.' I said 'I've just told you I haven't let ANYONE in the house apart from us two, Ant and Julie. You've said you trust us.'
'Well if I find you have, then the Dogs Home may do very well from this.' meaning he'll leave everything to the dogs home. I'm not doing this all for the house or the money or for me. I'm doing it solely for him as I have some crazy insane sense of duty as he's my dad and Ant and I are all he has. Him thinking I'm helping for the money didn't sit well with me. I said nothing - speaking up is totally and utterly pointless. I'm mainly numb when I see him. I can't look at him when I speak to him I don't want to look him in they eye. I can't, as I see everything which makes me angry. I see his attitude, his narcissism, his total lack of respect and of love for me. I see it all missing in his eyes - all he sees when he talks to me is someone he can trust who he expects to run about like a headless chicken.
Today he asked me again to chase his ear appointment for them to remove wax from his ears - they won't do this until he is out. Also his eye injection and cataract operation date and something about paying his income tax bill for self assessment by January 31st so he won't get fined. It's overwhelming the list he has for me without so much as a would you mind or would it be OK if. I sat there feeling nothing but despair. I squeezed my daughter's hand, He hadn't said a word to her yet. He'd asked me all this and more before and I was doing my best to call these departments, but most of the time there was only an answer machine. It was pointless trying to explain. He started to go into details of what to do again. I'd heard it all before and remembered the medals in my bag, I thought I'd perhaps show them to him and see if he could actually tell us something interesting, something we wanted to hear rather than just the list of things about him and that he wanted us to do for him which is all he had talked about so far. I couldn't find them in my bag so started panicking.
'Well I don't know whether I should bother talking to you when you're not even listening...' he said.
'I am listening dad.'
'Well how do I know that if you're not even looking at me. It doesn't look like you're listening to me...' then turning to my daughter, he said the first thing he'd said to her since we'd walked in 'does it?'
He didn't give her time to answer, instead he answered on her behalf 'NO GRANDAD'. he said with a stupid expectant and snide smirk. She squeezed my hand, hard. I was with her not wanting to speak at all. There was a short silence.
'You see those two things sticking up from the wall over there?' he said (see photo above) 'It's the antenna they're using to talk amongst themselves.' They are still at it, mentioning my name over and over and over. I hear it you see in my hearing aid. I have feedback and there's definitely a female voice saying money money please give me all your money.' He passed me his hearing aid which I put near my ear - all I could hear was a dual pitched high tone feedback. I told him so. I also said the two pointy bits were a medical device not an antenna. He said it most definitely WAS an antenna and it was just disguised as a hospital device. He said this was the way they recruited all the new people to spy on him and they asked each new arrival whether they wanted to make a few bob and then gave them instructions via the antenna. He was talking about transmission circuits and explaining again how they worked and saying they didn't have a licence to do this... Apparently when new people accept the offer to earn a few bob, they play the tape to let them know what they have to do.
He is still certain a policeman came onto the ward to talk to everyone except him. He can't tell the nurses about this as they are also in on the plan to get him seen to. He says all the visitors he trusts and has spoken to about this think it's 'quite feasible'. He said this kind of system is often used in advertising. He thinks the consultants are plain clothes police.
Thankfully 8pm came and we had to leave. 'Give me a big kiss' he said. The thought made me want to heave. I went to hug him - in case this is the last time etc etc. I leant in for a hug and he said 'I do love you you know but you really must stop turning everything into an argument.' It's the BUT which annoys/hurts. Saying but, after a positive thing, always turns it into a negative thing.
I came out and found the medals on the floor of my car. where they had slipped out of my bag.
He said he thinks he's been in the hospital 5 months then backtracked and realised it was 4 weeks today.
- Freddie car trips to the tip 1 (3rd)
- What is making me mad? the usual
- What is making me happy? not a lot
- What is making me cry - eveything
- What have I done to relax? Eaten chocolate - far too much chocolate!
- Interesting finds an old clock which I am going to upcycle
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