Easter - a religious occasion - or not!

A blog about myself, daughter of an extreme hoarder parent, aged 95, who fell over on Christmas Day 2025, breaking 3 ribs. He was in hospital 9 weeks and is now home. He has terminal oesophageal cancer, kidney function issues, asthma, diabetes, skin cancer cataracts and is extremely hard of hearing. Meanwhile his narcissism, and controlling behaviour, downright nastyness and sense of entitlement runs wild. I have some stupid sense of duty which means I’m running around like a blue-arsed fly trying to make things safe at his house and get his prescriptions, take  him to many doctor and hospital appointments, take him shopping and sort out his boiler service, and tradesmen and everything else. I have a job and family of my own. Slowly but surely, I’m losing the plot.

 

I took dad shopping 8 days ago to Morrisons where he bought 5 chocolate eggs. 

I had asked him Why 5 and he said 3 for my kids (in their 20s now), one for me and my partner and one for himself, in case nobody else got him any. I'm not sure where poor Ant came into his calculations.

He's been calling me every few days asking me to pay a bill, get an estimate for work or do something else for him and each time he asks 'Will I be seeing you over Easter?' I've replied I'd see what I could do. I live eight miles away, not too far but I seem to be over there about 4 times a week already and each time is extremely stressful. EXTREMELY stressful. Currently just walking through the door makes my blood pressure rise.

Easter was no different. I went round on Easter Day after he'd been to church to take him and Ant a chocolate egg each.

For the sake of it I asked all 3 of my kids if they wanted to come to visit grandad. They all said an emphatic 'Not a &$&$&$&$ chance you've got to be ****ing joking. Sorry mum No way!'

Having already told them when they were 13/14 that I'd never force them to see him once they turned 18, I had to respect their wishes.

I went alone.

I turned up at his house and gave him and Ant the eggs. 'Happy Easter,' I said.

'Right', he said, looking at the eggs with his judgy eye. 'Right!' The first part of the annual egg swapping was done and he was satisfied.

As far as I was concerned that was it. I'm not a child any more and don't care if I receive an egg from him or not. In fact I'd prefer to just skip all the faff to be honest and buy myself a bar of Galaxy and not have to feel like I'm being judged. However Ant appreciates having a chocolate egg and so we do the egg swapping palaver. 

'Are you by yourself?' dad asked, although it was clearly obvious I was.

'Yes.' I said, although I felt the answer wasn't necessary and was merely a springboard for the speech I could feel him brewing.

I was right 'Well no chocolate eggs for them then if they aren't here.' he said, in a kind of what do you think of that kind of tone.

'OK' I said.

It wasn't the answer he anticipated.

'Well because if they can't be bothered to come and see their grandad at Easter, they don't deserve to be given eggs!' he said.

'OK,' I repeated.

'Well, don't you agree?' he said, pushing his point and trying hard to push my patience.

'Dad, I don't care. Really. If you don't want to give them eggs, it's fine.'

'Right then. No eggs for them this Easter!'

'OK. It's up to you dad. If that's what you want!'

I wasn't playing ball so he needed a different tactic.

He thought for a moment, 'Easter is an extremely important day in the Christian calendar and I think you'll agree they haven't been brought up particularly well regarding the important dates for the church!'

Woah! Now he was questioning my parenting skills. He was questioning my parenting skills... the cheeky twat!

'Dad. Don't start preaching at me. My kids are fully aware of the significance of Easter and all the other dates important to the church. They're all adults now and so it's their choice whether they want to acknowledge and celebrate those dates as they see fit.'

'So why aren't they here then?'

What? What on earth was he talking about - he was clearly just baiting me for a reaction. Much as I was tempted to tell him it was because they didn't want to see him. Ever. I can't say that and feel good about it.

I told him they were in University in Swansea.

'Well if they don't come to see me then they don't get any eggs. I'll keep them here.' He said it like it was a threat or like he wanted me to beg for them.

'Fine!' I said, 'They're all over 20 now dad, they really won't mind about the eggs. It's not a big deal.'

'Right!' he spat, yelling and thumping his fist on the kitchen table as if he was telling me some huge important point. 'I'll bloody keep the bloody eggs and throw them in the bloody bin or eat them myself!.'

'Whatever! I said. I don't care. Keep your stupid eggs, and stop with the yelling or I'm going home.'

Don't you want your egg?' he said sarcastically.

'If it means I have to put up with your attitude and you yelling at me, then no, you can keep the damn thing. I'm going.

When he'd thumped his fist on the table, the egg he was about to ceremoniously present to me (a Maltesers egg), fell to the floor. As I turned to leave before I did or said something I regretted, he kicked the egg across the kitchen floor. 'Don't walk off again girl damn you!' he yelled as I shut the door and left.

Happy Easter Everyone.