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Today, according to the weather forecast, will be one of the hottest of the year. It's also Father's day. At 11.30am the hospital called to say dad had a fall last night going to the toilet. They've sent him for a brain scan.
I'm not entirely sure what to do with this information. I'm glad they told me but it's yet another thing for me to worry about.
One of his visitors who went in the following day told me he'd told her he'd been to his own funeral. Apparently it was a burial, on the ward. Interesting.
Maybe he was confused about the tunnel of light and thought he'd died and gone to heaven.
Who knows what he's expecting and who knows where he'll be going. That's up to the big fella and I will have no part of it.
I went to visit on the following day and he
He is becoming very confused though and sleeping a lot of the time.
I went again by myself on 25th June. I dragged the big heavy bedside chair up to the bed. He turned to look and gave me the type of smile one may give to a stranger one passes in the street when you accidentally catch their eye. Polite but no recognition. 'How are you?' I asked. Nothing. I repeated 'how are you?' He looked at me confused and said 'February?'
'Are you OK?' I asked. He looked away and closed his eyes for a moment. 'Does this stop at the lake?' He said.
'No' I replied wondering what I should say.
'Ah' he closed his eyes for a moment. I watched him. 'Bring my little doggie to me' he said, brightening up and using an excited, happy tone reserved only for animals and small children who showed any interest in him. He never used this tone for Ant or me. He fell back to sleep for a moment and had drifted away when the doctor came in. She introduced herself to me as dad was asleep. Then she tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Brian... BRIAN... Hello Brian' he woke up and irritable eyeballed her. 'Who are you?' Hr said, not really bothered what the answer was.
'I'm Narinder and im a doctor!'
'What!'
She repeated.
'What?'
She leant a little closer to his ear and raised her voice just.slightly. 'I'm Narinder,,,'
He theatrically leaped in the air 'Ooohhh Don't Shout. ' he commanded.
'Sorry,' she said, and tried again. I'm Narinder and...'
'Right,' he said, interrupting her.
...'and I'm a DOCTOR...'
'Bully for you.' He said, with attitude, and closed his eyes.
I mouthed a silent apology.
She, believing him not to be aware of what was being said, started a discussion with me about a nursing home. He was oblivious but I asked to go somewhere else as I was uncomfortable talking abut it in front of him. She then told me that if they thought he had less than 6 weeks to live, he would go to palliative care. If he had more than 6 he'd have to go to a nursing home. Nobody is willing to decide how long he has left so for now he stays there.
The next morning I had a call to say they had found him on the floor after falling out of bed and had sent him for a brain scan. That's the 2nd fall he's had this month. They're still asking if they can maybe send him home.
I visited again 30th June. He was wide awake and said hello to me. Then he said 'djdhrhsjodkdkkanoo'.
I looked at him confused and asked could he repeat himself.
He gave me his 'why the hell am I even thinking of communicating with this total imbecile' eye roll and said 'because if it isn't near Dobie's then there's no point going there is there.'
?
'Er right' I said, 'no.' and we sat in silence for a few minutes.
'Jxdjdklkkhsgghblonsot' he said.
I looked at him, wondering what I should say.
He fell asleep again.
It was pretty much like that the whole visit. I'm not sure he knew I was there.
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