38) 4th July. Emotions running high but dad's still sleeping

Above is what happens when you have a carpet fitted in 1977 and put something on it and leave it there... for 49 years. Moth patch, where generations of moths have thrived, and the original colour (bleugh) where no daylight has been also for 49 years.

 

I opened some of dad's post which I have with me to sort for him, and even though I tried to pay his credit card, by the time I had paid it, it was 1 day late and despite realising this at the time and having the conversation with the staff and them agreeing not to charge interest, you guessed it, there was £1,06 interest. The £1.06 interest isn't the issue. If I could just tap something and be done with it, I would.

However as I am paying by power of attorney, I have to call the bank, wait 5 minutes to hear all the 'it's easier if you go online bullshit (no it isn't or I would have done it that way), before I can get through and then a million security questions. I rang them and there was a wait, so the answer machine told me, of up to 20 minutes.

I've never been a patient type and right now my tolerance for anything which makes life more difficult than it has to be, is about a minus 10. In short I had a mini breakdown. Tears running down my face, snot the works. Just as I had been holding for 15 minutes, my phone told me Ant was calling me. I tried to be flash by putting the first call on hold and telling Ant I was on the other line so could he hang up please and I would be there in a minute. Ant tried to talk to me regardless and so I had to hang up on him. However, being the techno-idiot I am, I managed to drop both calls.

I cried some more, had a coffee and drove to see Ant. My partner, who has kept away from me and the house as much as possible, was watching tv, so I asked him if he wanted to come over with me for a drive. To my surprise, he did.

As we drove up the road to the house, Ant scurried out. He said 'I know why you're both here. It's OK.'

He was looking very worried. I wasn't sure what he meant. 

'Dad's dead.' he said.

'What!.' I asked. 'What - did the hospital call you?'

'No, but when you were on the phone earlier, I thought you were on the phone to the hospital, and because you're both here, I guessed he's dead.'

Hell.

No he wasn't dead. However Ant's autism makes him way overthink things and he had convinced himself that dad must be dead.

Note to self - be careful what you say.

We went to visit dad and he doesn't really know what's going on- he's only partly conscious and I'm not sure he recognises me. As he was awake, he was trying to tell me something and I didn't understand as he was mumbling and it made no sense. 'Dad. Do you know where you are?' I asked.

'Cardiff.' he said. So he is there sort of. He's now had his bed pushed against a wall with a blue crash mat next to the bed and they have padded the side bed rails. Again he was asking for me to cover his feet. They were covered but he wasn't aware of this.  Perhaps he was trying to protect his dignity as currently he is dressed in a hospital gown due to the extreme heat we are having here. I noticed they put him in an adult nappy - I assume in case of accidents as he has fallen twice on the way to the toilet and had to go for brain scans each time. The staff are very busy and when he's got to go, he's got to go. I guess accidents are inevitable.

I held his hand and gave him a kiss before I left, trying hard not to break down with Ant there.

As we were leaving the hospital, Ant said 'I think dad's freezer is on the blink...'