My Birthday and My Family Attempt to Fatten Me Up.

29th September 2013

My family are trying to fatten me up

Yesterday it was my birthday.  I was - no I am not telling you how old.  I had been summonsed to Imelda's house as he wanted me to take some more milk around as it is difficult for him to carry it.  Fair enough! When I got there Imelda was quick to tell me he had tightened the screws in the flat pack chest of drawers I had assembled for him a few days ago.  He said he had done it because he thought it may have made the drawers easier to open.  I told him I had tightened them as much as they would go being mindful that if you over tighten a wood screw it will simply make the joint loose.  The chest of drawers had been in its original flat packed state in the garage for at least seven (translate to 15) years and was as warped as an 's' bend.  Nobody could have put that chest together so that it opened properly.  I asked him if it had made the drawers open any better.  He admitted it had not.  I think he was telling me because he wanted me to know he had had to go and do the job properly because clearly I am a total incapable idiot.

The drawers still have to be opened with a crowbar and shut with a size ten boot.

As it was my birthday, my brother had bought me a present and wrapped it with new paper and stuck a card to it.  My brother knows what I like and the card and gift were lovely. The card stated 'To my Sister'.  Last year he got me a card which had a chimp on the front and said 'As you get older even simple things become confusing...' The card was printed so it opened the wrong way so, like a fool, I tried to open it the usual way and couldn't - much to his delight.  I did think it was funny though.

Imelda said 'I 'might be able to find you a little something'.
Was I supposed to be dribbling in anticipation?  After about twenty minutes of faffing about I announced I was leaving as I had to go to work.  I had asked work if they would let me have the day off but as usual they left me hanging on until the last minute and then said no.  They had put a block on all weekend holidays for the past three months or so due to 'service levels' and as I work every Sunday and every other Saturday I had little chance of having the day off.  The kids were very disappointed because they had made me a three tier birthday cake with strawberries and chocolate and icing and sprinkles.

I do have my suspicions that my family are trying to fatten me up.  I am a skinny sort anyway and it does not help that quite often I simply 'forget' to eat.  One of my relatives even sent me a HUGE box heaped full of chocolates.  I am very grateful for this - I do love chocolate :).

So, I waited in the car as Imelda is never in a rush and I am always in a rush.  Eventually Imelda appeared with a Toblerone bar behind his back.  How did I know it was a Toblerone? - Because it was not wrapped.  He put it behind his back as you would if you were to give a small child a treat.
"I haven't managed to find any paper!" he said, and as an afterthought "You can eat nuts can't you?"
I have not been able to eat nuts for the past twenty years but that is just a technicality.
"Er no dad, I can't eat nuts. Don't worry though I am sure the kids will eat it for me".  This cheered him up somewhat.  He gave me the Toblerone. "Happy Birthday" he said.

Here is the killer - The Toblerone was in date!  2014!  He bought it recently - just for me!  Overlooking the fact that he did not remember I was allergic to nuts, it means he actually bought it for me!  I did feel slightly special :).  He also gave me a card in which he had thanked me for my help over the past few weeks.

The bloke and the family took me out for lunch to the Spice Route in Cardiff Bay.  I love going there, it is an Indian buffet where you can eat as much as you like.  They put helium filled balloons on the table and we took them home.  The kids made me take them to work so that I would feel special.  I took them in and the team wished me Happy Birthday.  After break we were told we were having an emergency team meeting.  Heck! We all gathered round and they had bought me a load of cup cakes, a card, and some chocs.

Perhaps I should eat more!