The Return of The Hoard - It ALL Came Back In.

The final day of filming and the hoard returns.

25 October 2013

Today was the final day of filming for the hoarding documentary.  All the junk from the lounge only was taken away yesterday and put overnight in a storage facility.  Imelda was allowed the luxury of living in his house for a whole day without the junk he has amassed over the past forty years.  During the clear out yesterday I tried my best to fit the contents from three boxes into just one box in order to reduce bulk.  This was not easy as we were limited for time but I figured the more I did yesterday the easier it would be today when it all went back in.

This morning I went to the mountain with the kids in tow.  The plan was that grandad could have a taste of what it could be like to have his grandchildren round.  The kids had all drawn pictures to show him and the grin on his face was lovely.   They all sat down while he played grandad.  The kids were all suitably amazed at the space in the room.  I was not able to stay with them for long as the dust caused my allergies to flare up.  I had to go in the garden.

Kids and grandad all in the same room at the same time.

I spoke to the clearance chaps Jeffrey Avery & Associates while the kids were filming and they gave me £32.78 which they had found fallen out of the bottom of a box.  Jeffrey said he now understood why I would not let them throw ANYTHING out until I had checked it first.  This did put my mind slightly at ease.  When they first appeared I was a smidgen un-nerved as they looked like the type your mother warned you about.  However as I got to know them I found they were lovely blokes and professional.  No messing, just get on with it but also flexible enough to go with the flow.  They brought a tarpaulin to save trashing the lawn.  They were respectful of Imelda and they got stuck in.  Over a tea break they mentioned they have seen a LOT worse than Imelda.  Their tales brought some hope through the door.  Although mainly they are used to clearing houses without the owner being there overshadowing every move, they fit in well with the plans.

I would not have been very receptive to those 'specialist clutter clearance' people who come round and simply 'talk' a hoarder through getting rid of their hoard.  I have seen these in hoarder documentaries. Possibly that approach may work with people who have initiated the meeting themselves and therefore want to be clear of clutter.  However, in this instance it was me who initiated it. I think Imelda would have been quite happy to have lived out the rest of his days in his own personal pigsty had fate not intervened.  Having seen his performance yesterday I think he would have argued his case with anyone who questioned him.  Of course they would have had an advantage over me in that he would possibly treat them as fully functioning adults which is where I have the disadvantage as I am still a five year old as he sees it.

Also they charge FORTY QUID an hour.  Heck!  Wish I earned that.  My own job involves taking huge bucketfuls of abuse as a Customer Service Manager.  I take abuse and downright rudeness from people I have never met, who speak to me as if I am an amoeba who lacks intelligence. They whinge and scream vile abuse at me for matters of such extreme triviality you would not believe. 

I have seen these clutter clearers at workon hoarding documentaries.  They talk gently and do not judge.  They suggest it may be an option that a person would not need, for example, eight televisions.  They ask why said person may possibly WANT eight televisions.  They ask said person what is the worst that could happen should one of those televisions become lost/stolen. They suggest how much space said person would have if said item was not there. 

All very interesting ,but at the end of the day (I hate that expression) if said person does not want to get rid of said television then said person will not get rid of it.

So above is the living room AFTER the stuff has gone and come back.  Rather than being 15 feet long by 6 feet wide and 4 feet high, it is now 6 feet wide by 8 feet high.  It is tall rather than wide.  The blue chair is on its side as there is no room to put it flat on the floor.  Logically one would suppose either the chair or the sofa should go so that the space can be used.  I doubt that that is likely to happen.  I will work on it though.

The chaps also cleared three large black bags of bits of rubbish on the floor.  These three bags appeared to be rubbish but had to be sorted.  They therefore came back in.  I asked Imelda if he wanted me to take a bag home and sort it.  He said he didn't want this because he had not even looked through it yet.  I pointed out that was what I was offering to do for him.  He said he wanted to be able to look through it first and I could have it once this was done if I liked.

OH JEEZ HOW GENEROUS AND THOUGHTFUL HE IS!  See how he thinks of me and graciously allows me to look through the stuff he has already sorted and taken things out of.  I should be so damn grateful that he leaves the stuff which remains to kindly give to me.  What a thoughtful father I have.

Yesterday I had sorted a bag of rubbish and was satisfied that it was indeed all rubbish.  I had salvaged from the bag a small box of stuff which I thought he may like to look through.  The bag I had was all total rubbish.  He came a-sniffing. 'What is that you've got?'

'It is all sorted and it is all rubbish dad. Really it is - you can check if you like but I assure you I have personally sorted it it really is rubbish though.  You have to trust me at some point!'

'Yes I would like to see just in case - you may not have deliberately thrown things out and I know you think you are helping...' with that he took the bag from me and opened it.  He scouted through it.  He removed:

A wooden stick shaped bit of splintery wood.

A bit of thick flexi-plastic about 10cm square - the type they sell sunglasses in.

a plastic curtain hook.

Whether he did this to prove to me just how totally inept I was at sorting through bins or just because he felt it necessary I don't know but I do know I had to walk away clenching my fists.

Here is a lovely photo of the lovely carpet which has been chomped on by moths for over thirty years.  Damn shame!

Oh and one last thing.  It rained all last night so hard it woke me up.  I got to Imelda's house for 10am.  The minute I arrived the rain stopped. It stayed dry while the van was unloaded and the stuff went temporarily in the garden. We worked and filmed and finally finished bringing the stuff back in and the filming was done by 12.15.

By 12.20 it was pouring with rain.  Now tell me I don't have an unseen helper.  (Thanks mum)  :)