Finally a Hearing Aid - But Will He Wear It or Lose it?

A New Hearing Aid - Will he lose it or use it?

21 November 2013

One of the good points to come from Imelda's accident was that he was seen by a hearing specialist while he was in hospital and finally he will get a new hearing aid shortly.

He has always had 'selective hearing'. I have almost become used to this over the years but it does get to me when he ignores my kids.  Kids have very clear and loud, high pitched voices.  The kids speak to him and he completely ignores them.  We have had many a time when he has been sitting in my kitchen and one of the children will start talking to him.  He will acknowledge them and then he loses interest halfway.  He then forgets they are speaking as he cannot hear them and will get up and walk off mid conversation.

He did have a hearing aid fitted about 17 years ago but he lost it.  I know I know, how does he manage to lose a hearing aid?  Not surprising really - he has lost at least three hoovers and a sewing machine.  Even the sofa was lost for ten years.

He was too embarrassed to tell the doctor he had lost it so he went without for 17 years.  As a result I do not think he has ever heard a whole conversation spoken by any of the children.  I do not think he would be able to describe any of them on an individual basis and state what they like or do not like or what they do in school or who their friends are or anything.  It irritates me that he cannot even TRY to pretend he is interested (even if he isn't).  The kids are beginning to lose interest in him as well as every time they try to engage him in conversation it is always one sided.

It was always the same when I was little - he was always of a 'children should be seen and not heard' mindset and frequently would tell me to 'stop yapping' or loudly 'SHHHH' me if something of mild interest came on the TV.  He did this to all of us including my mum right up until I was about 13 when I stopped bothering to try to involve him in anything I was doing.  A 'Eureka' moment, when the possibility that I may be a fully functioning adult with a mind and life of my own hit him years later. The fact that his own daughter may have something to say which was - goodness - even possibly interesting and that she was actually possibly capable of holding an adult conversation did not come until I was 25 or so.

In about 1990 His work were offering retirement weekends in London for their staff.  A whole weekend for two people with hotel in London was put on by the company to give the retiring staff all the details about retirement.  My mum was ill by then and not able to go so I went instead. Imelda had gone up to get breakfast and I was sitting at the breakfast table and his senior colleague also from the course came to join us.  I struck up a conversation with the colleague about my trip on my own to America a few years previously.  I was telling the colleague what I had seen and what to expect on his forthcoming trip.  The colleague listened to me with genuine interest and we were deep in conversation when Imelda returned with his cornflakes.  Imelda sat down politely and saw his senior  colleague listening with obvious interest to me.  He listened as he munched and the lights came on.  This was his senior colleague engaged in an adult conversation which was interesting with another adult - which was his very own daughter!  It was indeed a eureka moment.  He kept saying to me 'you never told me that' and 'I never knew that'.  I had mentioned my trip many, many times over the years since I had come back.  It only goes to show he never listened to me, I believe because, to him, I was always just an irritating insignificant child.

Anyway, I found this following conversation I had with Imelda a year ago which kind of reinforces the point above.  I know he has a hearing issue but I think it is likely this is more of an excuse than a reason.  I wrote it down at the time as writing things down really helps get them out of my head.

He had rung me and left a message on my answer machine to say there was a problem with him getting to the airport for his annual holiday.

I rang him back.
'Hello its me – what’s the problem?'
'Hello'
'Hello – its me dad whats the problem?'
Silence
'Dad – its me – what is the problem? – You called me.'
'Oh – Oh its YOU I thought it was one of those wretched….'
'No dad – it's me – what is the problem?'
'Oh – you see they call me up to ten times a day and they’re so irritating you see.'
'Yes dad, I know – you tell me every time I call.  What is the problem?'
'Problem?'
'Yes dad – you called me to say there was a problem.'
'Oh – yes, yes – I had to leave a message – I never know if you have got it or not I hate those machines – did you get my message?'
'Yes dad – that’s why I am calling – what is the problem?
'Yes you are calling.'
'Dad why did you call me?
'Oh yes – there is a problem with the flights – it looks as if we may have a problem getting to the airport because you are working and now Ian has a new job.'
'Dad I only work every other Saturday and Ian has got no job at the moment.'
'Yes yes you are working I know but now your hours have changed and Ian is working.'
'Dad Ian is not working and my hours have been the same for a year.'
'A year??'
'Yes a year dad I have had the same hours for a year.'
'No you haven’t.'
'Yes dad I have worked at ****** for a year now.'
S i l e n c e
'Dad?  I have been there for a year now – my hours have not changed.'
'Oh a year – I thought you said eight years – you haven’t been there eight years…'
'No dad so what exactly is the problem?'
'Problem? Oh yes well the times for the flight have changed.'
'OK dad so at the moment we can take you to the airport, however if Ian gets a job we may not be able to collect you until later.'
'Yes I know. Ian works in Barry'
'No dad Ian does not have a job at the moment so it should not be a problem.'
'Problem – yes that’s what I am saying.'
'Dad there is no problem as IAN HAS NO JOB at the moment.'
'Yes I know but I need to know if you can collect us?'
'Yes dad we can collect you as it stands right now as Ian is not working.'
'Yes but will he be working on the day I want you to pick me up?'

Arrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhh bang bang bang (me banging my head against a wall).

So bring on the hearing aid - PLEASE!