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Thursday 4th June 2026. Went to visit dad in hospital - the choking incident had persuaded me he may not be here long so I guilt tripped myself into visiting him.
I took my daughter for moral support. My daughter is 20 and after she turned 18 I told her it was her choice whether she wanted to have her grandad in her life. She decided she absolutely 100 percent did not ever want to see him ever again, neither did her twin sister or her older brother, which is upsetting for me as I have to keep lying to dad as to why they never come to see him with me. However, I do understand their reasons. He's never been there for them and virtually ignored them all their lives. When he did speak to them it was about how fantastic their brother was. He doesn't ever want to see his grandad again either..
He said about a month ago, when we were on the subject of seeing grandparents, that he remembered when Ant and I were small, his mother used to walk a mile and a half every day to come and see us and help feed us and help my mother out (doubtless while he was in the garden...).'Every day, she came,' he said, 'yet my own grandchildren hardly ever come to see me...' He realised, mid-rant that he was actually digging himself a hole.
I was on it. 'Yet you didn't come to see your own grandchildren much at all, did you dad even though you drove, had a car, and lived a lot closer.'
'Well you always seemed to want me out. I never felt welcome...' he said. As if he would ever recognise when he wasn't welcome.
Probably because I had three children under two and a half, dad. I was rushed off my feet and that was just never going to happen was it?'
'Oh don't start arguing now,' he said, must you always argue about everything.'
At the hospital visit my daughter came for the visit with me, as support for me and no other reason. She had a jaw operation only ten days before and we thought it'd be good for her to get out of the house.
When we arrived he was awake in bed and said 'Ah, there you are. I wondered when you'd get here. Sit down, he said to me, gesturing to the bedside chair, which had an incontinence sheet on it.
'It's OK I'll stand.' I said. Ignoring this he again said for me to sit down and fo rmy daughter to sit on the chair that wasn't there. We said we'd stand.
Silence,
Then he piped up 'Well, what is it you've come to tell me?'
'Er - what - nothing, what d'you mean?' I said, confused.
'So you haven't come to tell me anything.' he said with an air of finality.'
'No'
'Right.'
More silence.
'So, how have you been?' I managed
'What?' he snapped.
'How have you been?' I said, not knowing what else to say.
'Have you had those windows done yet?' he asked, referring to the double glazed windows needing replacement in his house as they are all misted inside.
'Not yet, we were going to get this stent done first weren't we dad?'
'What?'
'Your stent. We wanted to get that out of the way first.'
'What about the stent?' he snapped.
It's more than difficult to have a conversation with an irritable almost deaf person, especially when you are in a 4 bed ward when the other patients don't have visitors and can clearly hear every word. It sounds piffling, like a conversation one may have with a distracted three year old. You become very conscious of every word. Also as the others are behind a curtain they have no idea of body language or of facial expression and no idea of the history of the people talking.
'Dad. Listen. We wanted to have your stent fitted before we went worrying about the windows didn't we?'
'Well of course we did. Have you got a date for the fitting yet?'
'No, dad, because the stent isn't done yet is it?'
'Well I KNOW THAT don't I!' he snapped back.
I sighed. 'Dad you also said you wanted to see a sample of the windows they were fitting didn't you? and they can't do that while you're here, can they?' He had let the fitters measure up and, once they'd left, he moaned to me that they hadn't shown him a sample of the windows - he thought the man would bring a sample round in a padded shoulder bag, like they did in the 80's. This, despite me explaining they were all regulated now, and the one I had carefully chosen were recommended by WHICH magazine.
In truth I had done so much for him over the previous eight months, boiler service, door fixing, drain repair, tap switching, rail fitted outside, key safe, rail inside, steps fixed, taken him to appointments almost every week at the GP or the hospital. I needed a break. It was yet another thing I had to do for him on my to do list.
He paused and looked at me, there was a short silence. 'There's always a problem where you're concerned isn't there?'
He looked at my daughter, 'Your mum always brings problems wherever she goes doesn't she?' he asked her. It was the first thing he'd said to her since we'd got there. He didn't ask how her operation had gone, how she felt, how was Uni, nice to see her - nothing. The only thing he said to her was to get her to agree with him for a comment against me. She turned to look out the window.
'Hide the axes,' I said to her, half joking. 'The cheeky sod.' I clenched and unclenched my fists.
I checked my watch. 8pm. End of visiting time. 'Ok, we have to go it's 8 o'clock.' I said.
'No! Eight, already. Surely not. No it isn't that late is it? No it can't be.'
'It's eight dad. I have a watch.'
'Oh hello,' he said, flagging down the nurse, angellic as a fairy. 'Do you know the time?'
'Visiting time's over.' she said, and carried on her way.
'When will I see you now? he asked. 'So if it's Friday today, Will I see you on the weekend?'
'It's Thursday dad. I've been in work all day. Trust me, it's Thursday, I've been writing it down all day.'
He lay there with his fingers counting the days, arguing with me what day it was.
I'd had enough. 'I'll see you when I can dad, OK. I've got to go.' I turned and left him there. As I did so, I caught the eye of the man in the bed opposite. He was laughing his head off and giving me a thumbs up with a wink/ He'd heard everything and I got the feeling he was rooting for me.
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