Imelda heads for Hollywood..

18th September 2013

Imelda is going to be on TV

Why this photo?  For a bit of colour and just because I can.

Not sure about this one completely yet.  Through this blog a TV producer got in touch with me for a programme on Channel 5.  She was interested to know if Imelda would be interested in being in an episode of a series which will be looking at odd human behaviour from the sympathetic viewpoint of the sufferer.  I can't see this is a new idea but the producer assured me it would be definitely from a sympathetic point of view and as seen by the sufferer.  I spoke to her before I allowed her to have Imelda's details as I wanted to check it was not one of those 'shows' which the public likes to watch, lets be honest, in order to feel good about themselves.

We have all seen those programmes with titles such as 'I try so hard to lose weight. It is my whole focus on life. I live my life on a permanent diet'.  People watch it and inevitably somewhere during the programme there will be some very unflattering footage of said overweight person stuffing a burger into their mouth.  This only serves to humiliate the sufferer.  Of course the viewers will be sniggering behind their TV controls screaming out loud at the TV 'No wonder you're a porker'.  Possibly extreme but we all know it happens.  That is not very sympathetic to the sufferer.  I have to know they will not do this to him.

The producer told me that it would help people in the future to learn about these odd behaviours.  I asked Imelda and surprisingly he was up for the idea.  I mentioned there may be some form of financial incentive for him and he was more or less sold.  He likes the idea of Channel five as he believes none of his mates will be watching.

So the final details are yet to be finalised but it looks like the filming may be in early October.  The producer I feel had concerns that I may have done too much tidying before they could start filming as she asked me how much I had tidied.  I estimated about 15 to 20%.  Three rooms have not been touched at all.  One of the rooms is now full again of the stuff which came out of the other rooms.

I went for a reiki session today.  My friend had bought me an hour of reiki as she reckoned I needed to de-stress.  I lay there on the couch, mentioned a few pointers to the reiki practitioner and lay on the couch.  I tried to relax.  I really did try hard to relax.  I lay there while I was being worked on.  I counted the lights in the room (six), the ceiling tiles (32), the candles (5), I thought where I may go on holiday next year(Austria - skiing of course), I thought about work (that just raised my blood pressure), I thought about the kids.  For one whole hour I had to lie still.  I am not good at lying still.  I like being on the go.  Anyway, at the end of the session the practitioner commented on how 'wound up' I was and how she thought I found it difficult to relax.  How did she know that?  She gave me some breathing exercises to calm me down. :)

When I came out I can't say I felt any different but as I didn't feel any worse and I had relaxed for a whole hour I guess it had to be a good thing.

I saw the travel agent this morning.  Imelda always uses the same agent to book his annual jaunt - same hotel, same place.  She was about to book it for this year and was days away from finalising it when he had his unscheduled dismount.  The travel agent was one of the people Imelda put on his list for me to call to be told about his little mishap.  The travel agent sent him a card, as did most of the other people on the list.  

When I saw her this morning she told me he had phoned her to thank her for sending the card and he told her that he wondered what I had done with his gardening trousers as he couldn't find them. 

I kept the rancid rags formerly known as his best gardening trousers and put them in a plastic bag.  He must have had them about 15 years, they are full of holes, covered in paint, stinking dirty and made of some form of navy blue nylon. They are scagged, mis-shapen and totally and utterly 'bogging'.  He has many pairs of trousers - nice decent ones, all brand new and still in their original carrier bags.  These particular gardening trousers were the ones he was wearing when he fell off the ladder.  He arrived in the hospital on the stretcher still wearing them.  The paramedics cut off his gardening shirt but he was allowed to keep his trousers.  When the doctor came to check him over the shirt was cut off and I was asked if I wanted to keep it.  Hell No!  It was one of his tasteless Hawaiian numbers of which he has many.  The nurse picked it up between thumb and forefinger as if it were a dead rat and dropped it in the bin. Perhaps then the gardening trousers have now achieved some form of god like status for surviving the hospital.  Somehow they made it home and I know I did not throw them out - not because I don't think they should have gone out years ago, but because I know he would miss them.  I have tried to make it clear I did not throw anything out which I thought was rubbish but only things that I knew were rubbish and only things I was pretty sure he would not miss.

Imelda called me earlier today to ask if I knew where his bag of socks were.  He has found a bag of single socks but there was apparently a bag of clean paired socks which have gone missing and he now has no socks.  I haven't thrown out his socks.  For someone who has so many pairs of shoes it seems somewhat amazing he only has a small plastic bag full of socks.  Between you and me I do not think it would dent his fine reputation if he were to wear two odd socks.  I don't think anyone would notice.

Tyson the dog will also need to go to the dog groomer.  Usually the old stick washes the dog himself in the bath and clips him too.  When I told him the price for a wash and clip was about £50 he sounded horrified and said he could wash the dog himself.  Seriously, I had to remind him he had a broken back and so bending over the bath to wash the dog was not one of his better ideas to date.

While I have been writing this, Imelda has called me again.  It is 11pm and I was about to go to bed.  He wanted to know if I had seen his 'Mrs Beeton's cookery book'.  

'Do you mean mum's 'dirty book?' I asked. For years my mother had a cookery book she used to refer to as her 'dirty book' (because over the years it had been used so much it had become covered in cooking ingredients and become dirty).

'No' he says - 'Mrs Beeton's Cookery Book, - mum used to call it her 'dirty' book because over the years, you see, it had become covered in cookery ingredients so she used to call it her 'dirty book you see'.

Bang Bang Bang - the sound of my head banging against a wall.

'No dad I do not know where it is, however I do know that we did not throw it out.  What do you need it for at 11pm for anyway?'

'We wanted to make scrambled eggs with some eggs we had over'.

'Scrambled Eggs! - Dad why the hell do you need a cookery book for scrambled eggs for Heaven sake - even I don't need a cookery book for scrambled eggs and my cooking ability is world famous as being the only woman who can burn water!'

'We needed the measurements' He said matter of fact-ly.

God save the Queen!

Short blog today.  Possibly longer tomorrow as I am heading to the mountain.